Vibrasphere - Breathing Place

Luta er tillbaka, blunda, njut. Chilla!

I give you Vibrasphere:

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.

Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. 

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

Enjoy!
(jag veeet, jag e lite töntig ;)


Kramis & Kjeerleek

/// Magnus Svensson 2009
\\\ Maz Studios - Om Flickan Själv får välja

1 för att byta glödlampan och posta att den blivit utbytt.

14 som delar liknande erfarenheter av att byta glödlampor och ger förslag på hur glödlamporna skulle kunna bytas på annat sätt.

7 som varnar för farorna med att byta glödlampor.

10 som pekar på stavfel och grammatiska fel i tråden om hur man byter glödlampor.

5 som anmärker på språkpoliserna.

3 språkpoliser som hackar tillbaka på de som anmärkte på språkpoliserna.

6 som argumenterar om det heter "glöd lampa" eller "glödlampa" och ytterligare 6 som idiotförklarar de 6 första.

2 yrkesmän som arbetat i glödlampsindustrin och menar att den korrekta benämningen är "lampa".

15 besserwissers som hävdar med bestämdhet att de också arbetat med glödlampor och att "glödlampa" är det korrekta uttrycket.

19 som postar att det här forumet inte behandlar byte av glödlampor och ber moderatorn flytta tråden till ett glödlampsforum.

11 som försvarar att tråden är på detta forum därför att vi alla använder oss av glödlampor och att det därför är en relevant diskussion.

36 som debatterar vilken utbytesmetod som är bäst , var man köper de bästa glödlamporna, vilket glödlampsmärke som är bäst och vilket som är sämst.

7 som postar länkar till siter där man kan se olika typer av glödlampor.

2 som påpekar att det finns en sökfunktion på forumet och att man kan hitta svaret om man använder den, för ämnet har varit uppe förut.

4 som postar inlägg om att länkarna inte fungerade och själva postar rätt länkar.

3 som postar länkar från ovanstående länkar med relevant innehåll för de som behöver ytterligare länkar om glödlampor.

13 som citerar inlägg med hela innehållet inklusive alla föregående signaturers inlägg och skriver "Jag håller med...".

5 som PM:ar sina närmaste kompisar och ondgör sig över trådens utveckling.

4 som skriver "Hade vi inte den här diskussionen uppe i en annan tråd nyss?".

2 som länkar till den föregående diskussionen om att byta glödlampor.

13 som skriver "Gör en Googlesökning på byte av glödlampor innan ni postar inlägg om hur man byter glödlampor!".

1 forummedlem som efter 6 månader hittar tråden på sidan 126, postar ett inlägg och startar om alltihop igen.

;)

Kramis & Kjeerleek

/// Magnus Svensson 2009
\\\ Maz Studios - Om Flickan Själv får välja

Sista artikeln i denna serien. Något sent, jag vet, jag vet. Hold your horses :)

Hollywoodfilmen om min blogg stoppades. var någon inavelsamerikansk white-trash-rasist som tänkte stämma mig om jag spelade in filmen där. Björn Skiffs blev fett med sur och hotade att stämma mig, varför vet jag inte. tror det var för han itne skulle få en egen trailer? Alla hoppade av, det blev fiasko. ingen film om min blogg asså. tyvärr. Så jag blir kvar i Sverige. Lite tokigt, trodde det skulle bli fett med coolt. Egen pool tänkte jag. Sen nån liten betjänt. Men nej, tji fick jag.

( aja, ni fattar jag skämtar va ;)

IAF.... here it goes. The last one!

I give you Silly Facts #15:

- Fler människor dör av en champagnekork som skjuts ur sin flaska än av bett från en giftig spindel.

- 21% av alla trafikolyckor inträffar pga att föraren somnar

- Inbrottslarmet uppfanns från början av en dansk. Tyvärr stals det...

Kramis, Kjeerleek & En God Fortsättning

/// Magnus Svensson 2009
\\\ Maz Studios - For A Better 2009

The Man Code
  
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

3. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bulls*t!

(Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)

6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is five minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

8. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

14. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

15. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

16. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

17. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

19. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

20. If a buddy is outnumbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last

24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin," then you may sit back and enjoy.

21. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while weightlifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

22. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

23. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

24. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

25. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not, unless you are gay. 

;)

Kramis & Kjeerleek

/// Magnus Svensson 2009
\\\ Maz Studios - Om Flickan Själv får välja